Colin talks out of his Warnock…

Former Ade Akinbyi purchaser and Sheffield United manager Colin W. has claimed he is delighted with his recent acquisition of Jon Stead, the same player whose departure from Sunderland sparked celebrations of mass hysteria on Wearside.

Yet despite scoring only 13 goals in 104 games since leaving prolific scoring behind at Huddersfield, Comedy Colin has claimed that his new £1.25m recruit is the best signing of the transfer window,

‘I cannot see how anyone would not want to buy Jonathan Stead for the kind of money we have paid,’ claimed Colin, kindly ignoring the fact that clubs looking for goalscorers may somewhat audaciously actually want to sign someone who scores goals.

Which was, until a week ago, what ‘Everyone Loves Colin’ was himself trying to do, as he chased the signature of goalscoring goalscorer David Nugent from Preston.

But worryingly for Blades fans, the man who signs a striker in any free time he has from talking bollocks admitted that Stead wasn’t even in his mindset until he was offered him last week, after he’d given up on bringing in Nugent.

‘He wasn’t on my list of targets until the start of last week – I couldn’t believe what Sunderland were doing. There will be critics but I think this is a great signing. Jonathan can become the best value-for-money buy of the transfer window.’

It is rumoured that if you play that soundbite backwards it drones out the words ‘Panic Buy’…

After rejecting a bid from Derby, Keane clearly decided to go touting Stead around, to the most desperate managers in the Premiership, smelling the pungent scent of desperation. Step forward good old Neil Warnock. Even poor Aidy Boothroyd probably managed a masochistic chuckle at the thought of Stead being brought in to spearhead Watford’s goal shy attack.

But not quite content enough to claim he’s delighted to sign a striker who doesn’t score and brag that he didn’t even want him a week ago, Colin has gone and claimed that Stead is better than Sunderland’s new signing Anthony Stokes,

‘Sunderland have paid £2m for Stokes but I would rather have Jonathan and to get him at this price was too good to turn down.’

Firstly Colin, the fact you felt the need to even make this statement and compare the two players is exactly the reason you’re about as popular as herpes in footballing circles.

It just won’t help anyone. But regarding the comparison, we have bought an 18-year old who has been chased by Champions League and Premier League sides, who has banged in 16 goals in 18 games for a poor side in an admittedly mediocre division.

You Colin, have bought a 23-year old who’s only sustained prolific period came in the English league’s 3rd tier, and who couldn’t even pick up the banjo never mind hit a cow’s arse with it at any higher level.

Both have cost roughly the same price, with a £1m add on for the Stokes deal should we be promoted.

I just hope he’s not had a wager on his bold assertion, or it won’t be just points he’ll be losing this season…